Lessons From Outside the Dojo

DSCN4410We often hear about how lessons learned in the dojo can be applied to life in general.  Beginner that I am, even I preach that message.  But what about the opposite?  What can we bring into the dojo from life outside the dojo?  Plenty.  I’m going to focus on what I bring to the dojo from my other fitness classes and activities.

140311_DexRock2_MREvery morning my cute little dog gets me up for a walk.  We usually get in a good hour of exercise.  This is my time for a kind of meditation.  I try to leave problems behind and appreciate my surroundings.  Sound familiar?  It’s a bit like meditating at the beginning of Karate class, where we leave problems behind and appreciate the fact we’re gonna learn some cool stuff.  Appreciation of my surroundings means I need to be aware of my surroundings.  This is easy because usually there are beautiful and interesting things to look at.  More importantly, awareness leads to being alert to potential danger.  This is key for self defense!  In the dark of winter mornings, I rely more heavily on my dog to alert me to the presence of other people or animals.   My dog is my exercise buddy, which means I have to be sensitive to what he’s doing, what he’s telling me, and what he needs or wants.  In the dojo, we need to be sensitive to our training partners too.

Before my M/W/F exercise classes, I do a bit of “rock” climbing on the YMCA’s climbing tower.  It’s a new skill, and the facilitator had me start by getting comfortable with descending using the belaying system.  The importance of perseverance is being reinforced as I strive to conquer each route.  Every karate student who has earned at least one belt knows the value of perseverance, the more so for each rank earned.  As soon as I reached the top of the easiest route, it was time to set a new goal and build on what I’d already learned.  Just so with Karate – each rank comes with more things to learn, and what one has learned before applies to what one will learn next.  With climbing, as in Karate, the whole body has to work together, and there’s a good bit of balance and coordination involved.  My biggest challenge has been learning to take what I call “leaps of faith.”  Those are the places on the wall where one can’t rest, where one has to quickly push and stretch and pull and use the momentum of one’s body to get from point A to point B.   One has to make split second decisions, keep moving, and to think ahead – just like in sparring.

M/W/F evenings I do group exercise classes – basically these are conditioning classes.  There are three different instructors and each has a different approach.  The movements are easy to learn and most everything is self-paced.  The instructors try to make it fun with upbeat attitude and snazzy music, but let’s face it – this isn’t as fun as Karate.  It’s a good exercise in toughing out things that aren’t really all that fun but are good for us.  That said, I’ve learned to appreciate these classes.  It’s a luxury to be allowed to have a water bottle and take frequent 30-60 second breaks.  It’s perfectly acceptable (and even encouraged) for me to be goofy and play air guitar and lip-sync along with the music while we do wall squats.  There are some exercises I’m tougher than anyone at, but… there are some that I’m still sweating over.  Everyone has something to work on, and that’s probably one of the most important lessons I can learn from these classes.  I’m also learning good exercises for warming up my fellow karateka if I happen to be the ranking student and Sensei’s stuck in traffic!

Until recently, when I dropped it in favor of more Karate practice, I was going to a Zumba class on Saturday mornings.  Prior to that I went to a similar class that featured Bollywood music and incorporated some Indian dance moves.  In these classes, I dealt with learning  fast-paced movements without anyone slowing down and showing me what to do.  This is exceedingly challenging for someone who is directionally dyslexic.  I challenged myself to not get upset and to keep trying.  It took me three months to get comfortable with Bollywood Fitness and perhaps another month before I looked pretty good doing it.  With Zumba, I had to start all over again – that’s OK, it’s good to review how to be patient with one’s own learning challenge!  There are times in Karate seminars when things are a bit over my head and nobody can slow down for me.  I always try hard anyway, and usually what ends up happening is I learn something.  If I don’t learn, let’s say, the kata itself my takeaway from the seminar might be that the method used to teach that kata was very cool and resulted in me actually remembering some of the kata the next morning!

Whenever I can schedule it, I take one of my children swimming.  I hang out while my child plays.  I keep my water fitness skills fresh in case I’m called to substitute teach again, but I don’t do the full workout – I do just a few reps of each movement.  I stretch, maybe do some underwater swimming, and I get in tune with what’s going on with my body.  I try relaxing muscles – my shoulders are a particular problem.  I massage, stretch, or gently work sore spots.  Hopefully this is building awareness of my body.  One useful thing I have learned from the pool is that if I’m immersed up to my neck and in fighting stance, my heels come up naturally.  I think it means if I reduce my weight and strengthen my legs, fighting stance should get easier.

Maybe I’m a bit obsessed if I’m finding things to apply to my Karate in everything I do.  On the other hand, one of our guest instructors at Gasshuku did say that any physical activity will help Karate.  Aside from which, I simply enjoy the variety.  I do still practice Karate every day – anywhere from 30 minutes to 2 hours depending on the day of the week.  I probably could replace everything else with more Karate practice if I knew how to get electricity out to my garage and rat-proof the garage door.  But somehow I just can’t see myself doing nothing but Karate.

Now let’s see if I can put my money where my mouth is at the end of this month when I take up (of all things) square dancing.  My husband is keen on it.  He is an excellent lead and one thing I regret is that we didn’t dance much after we took a ballroom and country western dance class together in college one semester.  But square dancing is a whole ‘nuther ball of wax and, well, to tell the truth, I’m trying not to be a spoil sport.  It won’t encroach on Karate time or anything else I do.  But still…  Square dancing?  Groan…  I’m trying not to think of it as a fate worse than death.  There’s got to be a Karate lesson in it somewhere for me.

Grab yer pardner Smash his face Bring yer leg 'round Turn in place Side kick left and Side kick right Do-si-do Hammer fist To yer right!
Grab yer pardner
Smash his face
Bring yer leg ’round
Turn in place
Side kick left and
Side kick right
Do-si-do
Hammer fist
To yer right!

 

The Human Side of Karate

CLONK!

“I am SO sorry!  Oh my gosh, are you all right?”

“Think so…”

“Hey, look at me – OK, your pupils are good.  I’ll get you an ice pack.”

black eye 2015 Joelle White
Bruises are fun!!!

Us martial artists have very interesting relationships with one another.  What other group of people will beat up their friends?  I remember once when helping to plan the Christmas party my attention wandered and I looked at each person in turn, thinking, “He’s thrashed me soundly, he’s beaten me up, so has he…”  I guess that’s what I get for visiting sister dojos so much.  And here we were working ever so nicely together to plan a wonderful social event.  We were talking about table decorations and stringing pretty colored lights!  I found this contrast to normal Karate conversation was hilarious, and fought down the giggles.

Sometimes these unusual relationships can bring to light some things we’d rather not see about ourselves, and we find out we can overcome those things.   I’ve recently written about a time when I sparred with someone who outranks me and discovered I had a “trigger” for anger.    Since then I’ve chatted a bit with him, I’ve watched him spar other karateka, and, most importantly, I sparred with him again and had fun.  I’m very pleased to be acquainted with him.

Sometimes a sparring match is a great icebreaker for us martial artists.  Once while visiting a sister dojo I chose to spar against a young man who didn’t even have a gi.  I knew he’d been training for a few weeks, so I started gently and ramped things up from there.  I couldn’t figure him out – one moment he’d be confident and giving me a run for my money, next moment he’d be uncertain and crumbling.  It didn’t take long for me to discover he liked throwing and dealing with kicks and didn’t do well with multiple punches.  I decided he needed more practice with punches.  I launched one of my favorite punch combinations and… he scooted backward and scored a kick that knocked the wind out of me.  So after class as I was walking up to him, I realized dude’s wearing a Tae Kwon Do T-shirt.  Oh…  That explained a lot!  We had a wonderful time chatting, we were joined by a saber fighter, and the three of us had a great geek fest.  I don’t know if we’d have spoken to each other had he not nailed me!  Which leads to what I’ve heard from numerous karateka of all ranks…

I have a sneaking suspicion that over half of all karateka feel like they’re awkward socially.  This based on numerous confessions from all ranks.  And yeah, me too.  Karate gives us a clear, easy to understand social system to hang out with for awhile. We don’t have to engage in mindless, awkward chitchat – in fact, most of the time chatter will earn us pushups.  There are times when we don’t have to interact with anyone at all – we can just be breath, muscle, spirit, movement…  As an introvert, I find all this to be refreshing.

Be that as it may, we don’t have to stay inside our little shells.  We do have something in common.  One can build from there when we throw ourselves together for social functions.  I’ve found questions like, “What do you know now that you wish you’d known when you were a beginner?” or “How did you get started with Karate?” are great ice breakers when I find myself sitting next to a black belt at a gathering.  Before I know it, the intimidation factor of sitting next to a (gasp) Sensei is gone.  Mind you I’m still respectful because I know I could get assigned pushups 😉

We see each other at our best and at our worst.  At the Christmas party I get to see my fellow karateka freshly showered and in nice clothes.  The complete opposite is how we all look at the end of Gasshuku, when we’re all stinky and gummy with a weekend’s worth of sweat, dust, and sunscreen and our gis are stained with grass, earth, and maybe a little blood.  We’ve seen great tournament performances and utter confusion over a drill.  We’ve seen laughter and we’ve seen tears of frustration and/or pain.  In short, we see that we’re human beings.

Lessons from Falling 2

slipping-154577_640There’s another aspect to learning from falling that didn’t occur to me until a week or so after I’d written Lessons from Falling.  Recently I spent some time being thrown to the mats during Gasshuku, and after some reflection and a couple of ibuprofen, I came up with another lesson learned from falling.  Namely, other people can benefit from our experiences with falling.

I’ve had a few lessons in grappling and, in recent months, senior students have been dumping me to the floor by catching my kicks if I’m too slow with them during sparring.  I’ve had a good many opportunities to practice falling.  From one perspective, this is a bad thing – we’re supposed to stay on our feet during sparring, and I most definitely have my work cut out for me in order to avoid going splat.  But on the other hand, all that time I’ve spent between sky and Earth directly benefited two other karateka.

One was a beginner who’d had very little experience with grappling.  After receiving my partner’s assent that she knew how to fall, I did the exercise a couple of times then turned it over to her.  I knew she needed more help than I did, and there were plenty of black belts circulating.  I “dig in” when I’m the uke, resisting until I feel my center of gravity shift – i.e. when my partner has proper leverage.  Sure enough, my partner’s unsuccessful attempts attracted a Sensei’s attention and she got the help she needed.  In the limited time we had to do the exercise, she learned the technique thoroughly.  It meant I took way more than my fair share of falls, but I didn’t mind at all.  It was worth it to see that young lady grow!

How often in life have I taken more than my “fair” share of falls for the benefit of others and maybe even at my own expense?  More times than I can count because I am a mother.   A toddler can’t possibly comprehend the issues involved in breaking an expensive vase, but a mother can take that fall by paying for the vase and apologizing.  I’ve taken painful physical falls so that my children wouldn’t be injured.  You don’t have to be a parent to take a fall for the benefit of others.  If you’ve ever stuck out your neck for your co-workers, friends, or family members you know what this is all about.

The second karateka who benefited from all the times I’ve been dumped on the floor was afraid of hurting people.  I looked her in the eye and said seriously, “I bounce.  You won’t hurt me.”  I assured her I’m quite comfortable with being thrown and falling.  Timorously, she tried the maneuver.  I dug in and…  She couldn’t throw me.  Sure enough, this situation was a “Sensei magnet,” especially as my partner outranked me.

My partner expressed concern about hurting me.  I protested, “You won’t!”  Next thing I knew, the black belt was demonstrating the maneuver on me.  I was on the mats in the twinkling of an eye.  The throw must have looked more brutal than it felt because my partner was a bit wide-eyed after I scrambled back up to my feet.  The black belt asked (for my partner’s benefit) if I was hurt and I asserted that I was just fine.  The black belt walked my partner through the maneuver.

I dug in, my partner got the proper leverage, and I went down.  I got back up and reset my stance.  My partner subsequently came at me with confidence each time and threw me again and again.   Maybe some day she’ll remember this lesson and not hesitate to demonstrate take-downs to a dojo full of her own students.

Let’s say your friend asks you for advice about something that is not easily dealt with – something that might end up with a third party getting hurt feelings.  Let’s say you empathize with the third party because you’ve “been there” – you’ve been on the receiving end of the pink slip, the “let’s be friends” speech, or whatever your friend needs to say to that third party.  You’re in a position to teach your friend that yes, people survive these “falls,” and to give her the confidence and tools to say what needs to be said.

No one likes falling.  I admit I’d far rather throw someone to the mats than to be thrown.  On the other hand, there’s a lot to be said for what one learns from falling.  As I’ve written in a prior blog post, I learn not to undermine myself and to avoid reactions that make the fall worse.  I learn the importance of being a good example.  Most importantly, I can take what I have learned about falling and help other people.  I hope I’ve helped you, dear reader.

Lessons from Falling

FootRGRAB!  FLIP!  DUMP!

I’d thrown a rather slow kick – a bad habit of mine, and my sparring partner thought it was high time I learned the consequences of not fixing this.  I scrabbled to my feet and faced him once again.  Hot fury shot through me.  I shut it down instantly, recognizing that I was merely angry at myself.  I’m learning that if my internal state is not what it ought to be, I go into a tailspin.  This is not what I want to have happen during a sparring match!  A little while later, yup, I threw another slow kick and my sparring partner dumped me on the floor again.  I got back up calm, cool, and collected – my defeat was really a triumph.

141204_Image1NoStripeRI think I’m beginning to understand that on a really deep level, I’m fighting against myself.  Really and truly there are so many things I do to undermine myself while I’m sparring.  I have only a few tools in my toolbox, but they are good tools, and if I stop shooting myself in the foot, I can improve on how I use those tools.

What do I do to undermine myself in real life? How many times have I figuratively fallen to the floor – dumped there by life circumstances?  I have no desire to try and count.  What’s important is, how have I reacted?  Have I sulked, whined, screamed, pointed fingers,  etc. when I found myself “falling?”  Yes, I admit I have.

Ando Mierzwa (senseiando.com) in one of his articles advises, “Here’s the trick to falling safely—accept that you’re falling! Don’t hop around on one foot, clawing desperately at anything (or anyone!) that might keep you on your feet.” Accept that you’re falling.  Denial, throwing blame around willy-nilly, and clutching at bad habits (like eating to comfort myself) are all ways I try to shield myself from adversity.  These reactions just make the “fall” worse.  I’m not saying don’t cry, don’t grieve, and don’t hold other people accountable for their actions.  I’m saying acknowledge the circumstances for what they are.  Then move beyond.

I’ve certainly given myself ample opportunity to practice falling in the dojo what with all those slow kicks I’ve thrown.  Wait – did you catch that?  It was something I did that started the chain of events that ended with me on the floor.  So maybe in my life circumstances, I should see if there’s something I did that led to the “fall.”  Sometimes I might find there isn’t anything I could have done differently, and sometimes I might find I could’ve done better.

black eye 2015 Joelle White
Bruises are fun!!!

After the adrenaline and endorphins and all those other fun hormones wore off, I discovered sore spots from those two falls.  Yes, falling hurts, and the hurts can last a good long time.  I tended those physical bruises for a few days until they healed.  Emotional “bruises” from being “dumped to the floor” by life circumstances hurt too.   It’s part of being human, and part of learning.  The trick is to become better, not bitter.

Assuming I am physically able to do so, it’s very empowering to get back on my feet and into fighting stance again.  Don’t get me wrong – if Sensei calls a halt at that point I do indeed breathe a sigh of relief!  Overcoming adverse life circumstances is immensely empowering too.   It might take  quite a lot of time to overcome adversity, or perhaps the struggle will end only when Death calls out, “Yame! (Stop!)”  But how one reacts and what one learns is crucial to developing the very core of one’s own self.

When one gets back up again, hopefully others will learn that there is hope for them too.  You can serve as a good example to others, or you can serve as an example of what not to do.  Very nearly every single time I was knocked or dumped or swept to the floor while sparring someone, there were children watching.  Their need to see someone bounce or stagger back up and into fighting stance outweighed my desire to curl up into a sobbing, frightened little ball.

I’ll let the following short video wrap up this post (thank you Bamboo Spirit Martial Arts Center for sharing this with me)…

Dear readers, soon after this publishes I will be on my way to Gasshuku, so I won’t be able to get to your comments until sometime during the week.  Thank you for reading, and thanks for your patience!

Every Other Week

Hello, dear readers!

17 pounds of cute!
My dog gets me out of bed early every morning to go for a 2-4 mile walk

I wear a lot of hats in this ol’ world.  I’m the mother of two teens and the Alpha to my little furry doggy friend.  I’m a wife who appreciates her husband holding down the fort while I go have fun Karate adventures.  I’m a YMCA employee, albeit I’m only “on call” as a substitute Water Fitness instructor.  And of course, I’m a karateka – along with that I’ve taken on some extra responsibilities by serving as a dojo representative on the Board of Directors (fundraising and special events) and also with being a “dojo mom,” helping out as needed.  I’m a bit pressed for time.

Ceinture_De_Karate_Ou_Judo_clip_art_purpleBased on the new katas I’m going to need for the next belt test, I have determined I’m now at the equivalent level of where I was when I left Karate all those years ago when I was a teenager (the styles are very similar).  I know now that the biggest contributing factor to my leaving Karate years ago was a medical condition I didn’t even know I had until roughly eighteen years later.  Circumstances are in my favor this time around.  I’ve been just fine this past year.

I’m ready to pick up where I left off and go beyond.  That’s going to involve a lot of discipline, some more time, and of course some sweat.

03_Image2My “home” dojo meets only twice a week, one hour per class.  I’ve been doing pretty well finding opportunities to attend classes at sister dojos.  That will still happen from time to time.  But it’s not enough.  I would like to be even more athletic so my body will meet the challenges and expectations that come with my brand new rank.  To that end, I’ve added fitness classes and more Karate practice time.

One of the changes I’m making is to spend half as much time on this blog.  I’m thinking one post every two weeks would be about the right pace for me.   It’s not that Karate isn’t inspiring to me anymore, it’s just I need to carve out a little more time to actually do Karate 🙂

I very much appreciate you, my readers, for all the encouragement and feedback you’ve given me.  Thank you for understanding what I need to do now.