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My deepest thanks to the karateka who let me train with them during this year’s training for USA Karate Nationals.  This post is dedicated to you.  To those who are competing – best wishes and I can’t wait to hear all about it!!!

Fire.  Hammer.  Anvil.  One foot in front of the other.  One more rep.  Reaching deep into yourself to find what it takes to continue…  And sometimes finding you don’t have it.  What happens then?

Encouragement goes a long way.  When someone believes in you, that’s powerful.  Sometimes I can squeeze out a few more reps if someone is there for me.  If you give it your all and still fail, someone’s commendation for your effort is a great motivation to perform better next time.

Then suddenly you find you’re pushed to the next level.  Like metal thrust into the fire, hammered again, over and over and over – shaped gradually and deliberately into something greater than a lump of ore.  And oh, it’s a process.  You go into the fire and back onto the anvil again and again, pushed to even higher levels.

But what if encouragement isn’t enough?  What if your body gives out and you simply cannot do one more burpee?  What if you are trying so hard that you break?  I’m not talking about breaking bones, I’m talking about putting forth so much effort that you burst into tears out of sheer frustration because you’re fighting to do one more pushup and your arms won’t lift you.

News flash.  You have a breaking point.  Some of us can take more than others, but everyone has a point where we hit a wall.  Splat.

It’s pointless to think that you’re so tough that you will never break.  The trick to dealing with brokenness is to make some important decisions before you break.  Decide now, before you break, to remind yourself that breaking is simply an indication that you need to build yourself up in that area.  Decide now, before you break, that after you reach that point you will outline (in writing) specific plans to improve.  Most importantly, decide to listen to those who are cheering you on, not those who are calling you weak.  You will get stronger.  Give yourself time.

You can be re-forged.  You will already be familiar with the fire, the anvil, and the hammer.  Hopefully you will find that you trust the process of shaping even more than you did before you were broken.  If you don’t, find someone who can talk you out of quitting, who can remind you of how far you’ve already come, and who will be there for you in the future.

What eventually comes of the time spent in the forge of martial arts training?  Better performance, obviously.  Belts, medals…  Yes, all that’s nice, but there ought to be more.  There’s a shaping of character – and more.  A desire to pass along the lessons learned from the forge grows in one’s heart.  More than that, one realizes that there are applications to life outside the training hall.  We get knocked down in life.  We grow weary.  Decide now what you’re going to do in the forge of life.

Thank you to those who pushed me so hard that I broke. I found out what I’m made of. Thank you for being there for me.

Thanks also to Ando Mierzwa for passing along the lessons he’s learned:  “Breaking Down in Martial Arts.”  Because of him, I knew it wasn’t the end of the world when I finally did break down and cry during training.

Journal from 7/2/16:

Why am I happy about being exhausted?  It’s because I’ve done more today than I ever dreamed possible.  I’ve been pushed hard physically and was literally dripping with sweat after the end of a brutal three hour training session.  Three hours every Thursday, Friday, and Saturday since May 26th.  Jogging.  Sprinting.  Brutal arm, ab, and leg work.  Kumite drills.  Kumite.  Kata.  Kihon.  Today I broke my records for the fiendish variations of push-ups that we do.  On one fiendish arm exercise, I have suddenly gone from 12 to 26 reps.  On another, I went from 10 to 20.  Yet another – five to ten.  I really can’t explain this sudden explosion in ability.

I’m going to hazard a guess.

One week ago today I pushed hard to get to the number we were told to do, but I still couldn’t in spite of weeks of training and, most importantly, doing these exercises at home on non-training days.  Sure I had improved since the first days of training, but last week I couldn’t do the number of reps we were told to do. I fought my weakness and I fought hard.

Something beautiful happened.  Every time I struggled, one of the black belts came and physically assisted me so that I could finish the required repetitions.  He did not let me collapse, which, in some of the exercises, might have resulted in injury.  I was fighting so hard that I didn’t really hear the encouraging words, just the soothing tone.  When I finished each exercise, I allowed myself three seconds on the mats, no more.  I wanted to cry from a combination of frustration, relief, and from the sheer wonderfulness of having someone support and encourage me.

Thursday and Friday of this week the arm workouts were lighter and I did pretty well.  Then came today – we were told to do what we usually do.  And I proceeded to blow my previous records out of the water.  At the end of each exercise I would say, “I can’t believe I did it!”  Maybe it was the psychological boost from last week that made the difference?  What do you think?

The stars didn’t align in the right way for me to go to the USA Karate National Championships this year.  Nonetheless, sometime in May I was invited to train with those who are going.  I did a tiny bit of this last year, but only on Saturdays.  This year, I’m doing it all.  Three hours on Thursday, three on Friday, and three on Saturday.  Then there’s the “homework” I have to do so I don’t die over the weekend – jogging, sprints, working my abs, arms, and legs…  It’s brutal training but fun.  The format is a little different this year.  We start with jogging for 15 minutes, maybe 20, I really don’t want to know.  This is usually followed by sprints.  We have to meet or beat our record time in three sprints, or else we have to do an extra sprint.

A week ago (Friday, 6/24/16), our coach (Affiliate YMCA Sensei) had us do a variation on our usual sprints.  We were to jog about a block, then jog back, increasing our speed gradually so that we were at a full out sprint by the time we ended.  He said the winner would get a rest.

The results were predictable and by age.  The teenager came in first.

Sensei asked the teenager, “Did you win?”

She beamed back at him, “Ossu, Sensei!”

Sensei asked her, “How did you know you won?”

The young lady said, “Because I was the first one back.”

Sensei had everyone line up again, yes, even the “winner.”  He instructed us to meet or beat our times.

The results were the same.  I pushed myself hard and beat my previous time.  As I fought to control my breathing and my rebellious stomach, Sensei asked a couple of my training partners if they’d won.  They responded that they had.  I didn’t have the energy or attention to puzzle out their responses.  As I was sucking air and trying to hold down the small drink of water I’d had before we started, Sensei turned to me.

“Joelle, did you win?”  he asked.

Still sucking air, I shook my head and scowled in frustration.  Sensei briefly and gently chided me for lack of manners, then continued, “I think you did.”

Sensei went on to explain that we’re competing against ourselves.  I had a “d’oh!” moment when he said that a win or loss doesn’t really matter.  What does matter is what you learn, and if you’re better than you were.  Sensei said we need to focus on our own karate and not compare ourselves to anyone but ourselves.  This is something I know, but I had forgotten it in the face of an extreme (for me) physical challenge.  How often have I blogged about lessons learned that were in accordance with what Sensei said?  Yet in a completely different context, the lessons I’ve learned in the ring went out the window.

I definitely had an eye-opener about myself and the martial-arts mindset, and I have to humbly admit I’m still a beginner.  Andrea Harkins is a master at applying lessons learned on the mats, and I draw a lot of encouragement from her blog.  As much as I’ve read of her writing, and as much as I’ve learned from time spent on the mats, I still don’t always “get it.”  But then again, to use the words of Jackie Bradbury, martial-arts growth is not linear.  I just need to be patient with myself when I don’t quite measure up to my own ideals.

A recent blog post by my online friend reminded me of something I forgot to write about quite some time ago.  Last summer my husband and I were invited to try out square dancing lessons.  We could do three free lessons, then decide if it was right for us.  The lessons fit into my Karate schedule, so this was perfect.  My husband and I had thoroughly enjoyed a semester of ballroom and country dancing back in our college days.

Our first square dancing class was not ideal.  It takes eight to make a square.  There were eight people present, and four were new students.  The caller was an hour late, so we spent half the class without music.  That was OK, by then we were up to speed on a few basic calls, so when music was added we had fun.

As a martial artist I found it fascinating to be moving cooperatively with a group of people.  I had to continually curb instincts to take advantage of opportunities to throw, joint lock, or strike.  I do have some experience with sparring against two people simultaneously and kata could, if one uses one’s imagination, be a fight against a group of attackers.  Square dance was very different, that’s for sure!

We decided to give the group another chance and went back for a second free class.  This time, the caller was on time, but we didn’t have enough dancers to make a square.  Only two experienced students showed.  The start of class was delayed in hopes more would show up.  I practiced a lot of kata while we waited.  When the caller gave up and started class, we limped along as best we could with what we’d already learned.

I have no idea why my husband and I went back for the third lesson.  The first lesson we wrote of as a fluke.  The second lesson we figured people had stayed home to watch the football game.  We decided to use our last free lesson.  This was it – make it or break it.  Once again we had a dismal turnout with not enough folks to make a square, and only one experienced student.  We quit – the high price tag was not worth it.

It was obvious the senior students were not interested in the success of the beginners.  This is a club that has been around for years and boasts a membership of about thirty people.  I’m betting it’s pretty much the same group that started the club in the first place.

Did you catch that, fellow martial artists?  The more advanced dancers simply weren’t invested in the future of the club.  New students weren’t valued.  We left after only three lessons even though we probably would’ve enjoyed square dancing immensely.  Please teach your senior students the value of coming alongside to help someone who is just starting – even if it’s just to be a partner in a drill or to run through a form before class.

I thought I was fairly fit until last week when I started training with some of the karateka from our organization who are going to the USA National Championships in Pittsburgh this summer.  After all, I can run most children, teenagers, and new beginner college students into the ground when I lead warmups for Karate class.  I consider an hour of Zumba to be a great warmup for ninety minutes of Karate on Saturday mornings.  Sure I find pushups difficult and I’m still carrying a little extra weight, but I can do more than a lot of people my age and younger.  So am I in shape?

During the first days of Nationals training (5/26/16-5/28/16) I realized I’m not in as good shape as I could be.

Yeah, I can outperform most children, teens, and beginner twentysomethings.  When I lead warmups I have them at my mercy for only ten minutes and many of them drop like flies.  But that’s not necessarily because I’m a super athlete.  I think it’s because these youngsters have lead sedentary lifestyles.  That puts my fitness level in a whole new perspective.

I’m not athletic.  Last week I had my first taste of what true athleticism involves.  Due to a myriad of different circumstances, I have not been training with the group this week and will not be training with the group until next week.  Nationals training group meets only on Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays.  I’ve had to make some major adjustments in order to not have to start over at square one when I resume training with the group.

It’s intense.

Last week on my first day, I didn’t think I could do three hours of brutal training.  On the second day, I was even more amazed that I had survived.  At the end of the third day I was too tired to care.  But during my rest day I realized that this is do-able.  So this week I pushed myself.  Hard.  It was lonely without the group, but I did it.

These are the things I am now doing until I can train with the group again…  I am jogging for about 15 minutes.  Sprinting uphill about 25 yards.  When I come home, I’m doing brutal exercises for abs, arms, and legs.  Oh, and have I mentioned an hour of practicing karate?  All this on top of my usual Karate classes.  And I will continue doing these things every Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday from now until Nationals.

By the way, dear reader, when do you think I wrote this article?  Thursday night, just before it was published (Midnight Friday, 6/2/16)?  Nope.  I am actually writing this portion of this article on Sunday (5/29/16).  Five days before publishing.  Sure I will do some light editing and add pictures throughout the week.  But yeah, I am writing this portion of this blog post on Sunday.  Why?  It’s an interesting exercise in perspective to write as if all these brutal workouts are already done.

Will this exercise in perspective motivate me?  Will I work hard to make these things come true?  Will this optimism continue if things get hard for me?  In this next section I’ll write little “journal entries” as I have time this week.

Wednesday 6/1/16

So far so good.  Something I hadn’t anticipated is that my dog and I had to work some things out.  I have never voluntarily gone jogging bef

ore.  As far as I know, neither has my dog.  He had to learn not to cross in front of me.  I had to come up with a command and physical cue to get him to correct his position.  I had to learn his cue for “I really do need to go potty,” and I’m proud to say I can now tie a knot in a poop bag while jogging.  My dog had to learn that taking exception to my sprints is unacceptable.  I had to learn that giving him a warning that a sprint is coming up helps him control his impulse to herd me into “good” behavior.  I think my dog and I are going to benefit a lot from this change of pace.

I am soooo tired…  That said, I made it through class at Home Dojo last night just fine.  At College Dojo today I only went a little more easy on the “kids” than usual when I led warmups.

Thursday 6/2/16

It’s my older daughter’s birthday today.  Very soon after I was invited to join those training for Nationals I notified Affiliate YMCA Sensei that I wouldn’t attend tonight.  In anticipation of an evening of celebration, I got my workouts done and over with this morning and this afternoon.

This morning I got up, jogged, and did a bunch of fiendish exercises for arms, abs, and legs.  After work I gulped down a substantial snack and went to the pool to splash around with my younger daughter in order to kill time before birthday gal arrived home from her classes at the community college.  I came home anticipating going out to a nice dinner with the family.  I was already showered and ready to go.

When I got home my husband told me Birthday Girl was sick.  Not severely so, but she was definitely green around the gills.  My husband fortunately was working from home today so he had gone out to collect her from her last class so she wouldn’t barf on the bus.

After checking with birthday girl, I tore out of the house to the Affiliate YMCA.  I was only five minutes late 🙂

Mind you, Thursdays I work until 1:00, so I had eaten only a substantial snack around 1:40.  This in anticipation of a dinner at a restaurant (typical portions are twice what I normally eat).

I made it through two hours of classes in spite of all this.

So it came time for us to do fiendish exercises at the end of class – yup, I’d already done ’em this morning.  Did all right with legs and abs, but not so well with the arms.  Affiliate YMCA Sensei saw me struggling with the pushups and commended my effort.  While we were un-stacking chairs in preparation for more fiendish upper body stuff, Sensei told me I was done.  I held a chair for someone to do a fiendish arm exercise and explained to Sensei how my day had gone.  He told me, “You should definitely stop.”

No doubt I’ll feel all this tomorrow (Friday 6/3/16).  Tomorrow is my two year karate anniversary.  I never imagined two years ago that I’d be doing all this.

In conclusion

On Sunday, I wondered, “Will this exercise in perspective motivate me?”

It sure did.  Writing out what my success would “look like” kept me going, and tonight I ended up performing beyond what I thought I could do.

“Will I work hard to make these things come true?”

Believe me, I did work hard.  I’ve been feeling it all week.  Unfortunately I haven’t been practicing kata as much as I’d have liked- this is the only area in which I’ve fallen short.

“Will this optimism continue if things get hard for me?”

Yes.  Tonight, Affiliate YMCA Sensei told me to stop because I was pushing too hard.  I was convinced I could get through it.

So am I fit, or am I flabby?  I guess I’m both.