Category: Uncategorized

I think I love compliments on my teaching more than I love compliments on my speed, power, or form…  And I love what I learn from teaching.

2/6/16 – Affiliate YMCA Dojo

When we were told to partner up for sparring, one of the black belts grabbed me immediately.  I haven’t sparred with her yet, so I was very happy to be faced with someone new who could kick my butt.  Unfortunately, she had to bow out – she started not feeling well so she opted to be a corner judge for sparring.

A pal of mine, an 11 year old LP, didn’t have a partner so she grabbed me the instant the black belt took a chair to be a corner judge.  I like her because I have to be extremely precise with my speed and intensity.  I can’t go at my full speed/intensity, but the instant I go too slowly she turns me into a pretzel or throws me.  Very fun!!!

Her father (the dojo Sensei) nixed that.  There was another girl who was closer to his daughter’s size, so he had us swap partners.  I was paired with a twelve year old boy.  Oh well.  No problem.

When we were called ringside I “read” right away that this kid was intimidated by the situation and by my belt and six inch height advantage.  So I made it a little scarier for him by kiai-ing loudly and charging.  But when I reached him, I settled into the “slow and flow” pace (continuous smooth motion) that College Dojo’s Sempai has been having us work with as a warm-up to full-on sparring.  I barely touched the boy.  My goal was to get him face to face with big and scary and get him to look for opportunities to fight back.

When a point was called in my favor, the dojo Sensei knew exactly what I was up to with all my noise and charging and continuous attacks, and pointed it out to the boy.  He told the kid not to be intimidated by all that.  Then I was told to ramp it up a bit.  I reminded myself that pushing hard is the way this dojo always rolls.  So I was quite scary.  Kicks to the head, jabs to the face, and herding him into a corner – but all this at a speed that is slower than my usual.  I thought sweeps would be too much for the boy so I didn’t do them.

This was fantastic work for exercising control and a great opportunity for me to practice reading the boy to make sure I wasn’t completely swamping him.  I ditched defending – I wanted him to make contact.  I was so very happy the two times the boy managed to score that I beamed at him from across the ring when halts were called to award his points.  After the fight was over I shook his hand very enthusiastically and told him, “well done.”

Now he’s well prepared for tournament.  I hope he realizes that if he can face me, he can face his peers.

Because of time constraints the dojo sensei called a halt for the day after the next pair of fighters.  I was disappointed.  I really wanted to fight anyone who could kick my butt.  It must have shown on my face.  After class the black belt who was supposed to have sparred me came over and apologized.  I told her no worries and gave her some sympathy for what she’s going through medically.  The dojo Sensei gave me a big hug and said he was really glad to have me at practice today.  I know it was because of what I did for that boy.

A couple of weeks prior to this, I sparred with my own “Home Dojo” Sensei.  Due to his medical stuff, it was the first time I’d ever sparred him.  He pushed me harder than I ever thought I could go.  I think I have a tiny bit of insight into Sensei’s perspective of that fight.

 

Feb 22, 2016 – College Dojo

I chose to be a white belt’s partner today.  It was a fairly equal playing field because of the nature of the drill we were doing.  None of the dojos I’m involved in work on  takedowns all that often, so I’m not really much more skilled than the next guy – I’m just more confident in my ability to learn the throw and to be thrown in turn 🙂

Sensei built the sequence step by step (that method itself is a good lesson for me).  I gave my partner a little feedback every now and then, and made sure I performed everything to the best of my ability so as to be a good model for him.  He was a quick learner and a joy to work with.

So what’s different for me today…  That white belt student came up to me after class and thanked me for working with him.  He said he learned a lot from me and he enjoys working with higher ranked students.  This youngster also said I’ll be a good teacher someday.  I thanked him and told him I myself enjoy working with higher ranked people because I learn a lot too.  I also told him I enjoy working with lower ranked students because I learn how to teach.

I’ve been given one of the best Karate compliments I’ve received to date.  If you’ve been reading my blog, you already know that my afternoon counterpart at my work is a black belt in a different style.  I told him about passing my recent test for 5th kyu, and he responded with the usual congratulations, etc.  Then he told me I’ve inspired him to go for his second degree black belt.  WOW.

What has he seen in me?  I’m middle aged and still ten pounds overweight.  I’d fit right in with all the librarians who work downstairs from our office.  My afternoon counterpart and I have been in the same room at the same time exactly three times.  Heck, the style he studies is full contact, whereas I’m supposed to be playing “Tag.”  So what’s so inspiring about me?

Was it my advice to him to apply what he learned from the process of becoming Shodan to learning the job we do?  Was it the way I played Twister with another co-worker, then joked to him, “I always wear loose clothing that allows me freedom of movement because I never know when I might have to play Twister?”  How about when I was laden with a box I refused to let him carry across campus (citing my need to build my upper body) and I used my foot to gently push the button that opens the door to our building?  Or that, while carrying that box, I beat the elevator by climbing up the 72 stairs to our office?  Is it that I help out with the college Karate class?  Maybe it’s just the fact that I’m a middle-aged matron who is striving to become better, not worse, as she ages.

Does Karate make that much of a difference – enough to where a slightly lumpy middle-aged 5th kyu lady can inspire a young Shodan to train for his next belt test?

I guess it does.

This might seem at first blush to be a repeat of something I wrote earlier this month.  I might have grabbed a sentence or three from this journal entry to tell another story…  Sorry for going out of order, but that’s what happens when you group journal entries by theme.

2/8/16 – College Dojo

Sometime last week I got in trouble with Sempai Drill Sergeant for cutting a tired gal some slack – letting her catch her breath while we were sparring.

Today a young man was dog tired after sparring with Sempai Drill Sergeant.  We rotated the line and I found myself paired with this young man.

Sempai Drill Sergeant said, “He’s tired.  Kick his ass.”

As soon as Sempai Drill Sergeant couldn’t see me, I rolled my eyes in his direction to show sympathy with my sparring partner.  I wanted my sparring partner to laugh, relax a bit.  My partner was too far gone for that.

Reluctantly, I beat him up (no harm – just constant light stinging).  Sempai Drill Sergeant is very fond of push ups, and I’m not, so I wasn’t going to risk it.

I had my partner against the wall.  Suddenly, something snapped.  My partner then put up a ferocious fight.  I was grinning like a loon at him.  I was so proud!  Until the fight ended, I kept encouraging him to beat me up, LOL – saying things like, “You’ve got this!” and “Excellent!”

I saw the power of the human spirit.  I saw that young man make the decision that he wasn’t going to take any more punishment.  It was wonderful.

Thinking about the time I cut the young lady some slack last week, I’d have to admit I failed to teach her about what’s inside her.  Yesterday I gave that young man a gift, albeit under the unspoken threat of push ups (LOL).  The young lady learned very little from me – at most she might be thinking about how she can watch out for my sweeps.  The young man learned that when it looks like he’s being called to do the impossible, he can find it in himself to rally.

*************

And, as you may recall from an earlier post, this young man did rally in tournament.  He faced not one, but two big opponents, one of whom hit him hard in the ear.  He won both fights and a gold medal.

High and low, up and down, yin and yang…  It’s all good.  I’m happy to say that I’ve learned from both the good times and the hard lessons, and those which were a mixed bag (like the first journal entry below).

 

2/17/17 – College Dojo

Change can happen in a heartbeat.  One minute you’re in your comfort zone.  The next…  WHAM.

Sempai Drill Sergeant is moving away.  He announced this was his last time assistant teaching in the dojo.

For awhile now I’ve been planning on and working towards testing for the next belt at the end of March.  This tournament was way more about seeing what I need to work on than it was about getting a gold medal.  The next tournament – same thing.  So I’ve been serious about testing already, but this announcement has me wishing to buckle down even harder.

I’m senior student at College Dojo by only one belt.  The college kids are hot on my heels.  College Dojo needs a Sempai.  5th kyu would give me more authority.

I’m ready.

And I’m also a little scared.  I never expected to have this much responsibility so soon.

I think the new “invitation only” advanced class that Sensei is starting up this Sunday will be exactly what I need to keep on getting “fed,” if you know what I mean.

Still – it’s a bit scary.  BAM.  Suddenly I’m Sempai.  Out of the blue.

I need to get used to this idea before Monday.  I need to show up on Monday with a smile, with a plan for warm-ups, and with the ring of authority in my voice.

 

2/20/16 – Affiliate YMCA Dojo

I recall Jackie Bradbury’s account of her tiny, innocent four year old in a moment of sheer joy saying something like, “This is so ****ing FUN!!!”

That was today for me.

After a grueling workout and drills, free sparring!  Three rounds.  Each person outranked me by at least one belt.  BOO yeah!!!  I got clobbered some and I did some clobbering right back – including catching someone’s kick (wasn’t able to get him to the ground, though).  He outranks me by three belts.  Neither of us was expecting that!

A year ago, whenever I sparred these same people, I was intimidated and scared of getting hurt, and most of all I was always dog tired.  But today I am in much better shape – I’m stronger and have more endurance.  My attitude is different too.  Today I was genuinely happy about sparring with people who can kick my butt.  Before each fight I was excited about what I was about to learn from each person.  I was elated after each fight.  Sure all this could be attributed to the lovely cocktail of hormones that course through my veins.  But I’d like to think there’ s more to it than that.

I think it might be a combination of:

1) “Empty cup” – being open to whatever lesson I need to learn

2) Welcoming both positive and negative feedback from my sempais and the dojo Sensei so I can grow in skill and character

3) Trusting my sparring partners – especially if they are senior in rank.  They are not out to deliberately hurt me.

4) Trust in my own skills (meager as they are).  I do have a few things going for me 🙂  I can, most of the time, keep myself from harm.

So I’m flying higher than a kite and I don’t feel worn down even after a grueling class because of

1) the mental stuff I just outlined above

2) I’m in good shape – better than I was last year for sure

3) Ever since Thursday’s class I’ve been remembering to relax my shoulders both on and off the mats.

4) I took yesterday off from all forms of exercise save walking the dog and holding plank.  I’m not sure but I think I went about 14 days straight with classes, heavy labor, seminars, and the tournament.

 

Feb 23, 2016 – Home Dojo

For awhile, I’ve felt like my sparring skills just haven’t been up to par.  My enthusiasm is there, which is good because I used to really be afraid of sparring.  It’s just – I’ve felt stagnant, and like I’ve been missing some part of the overall picture that would allow me to make progress.

Sensei called me over to talk with him after class.  It wasn’t related to today’s class, but to things he and his wife noticed Sunday about my sparring.

I need to be purposeful, not reactionary.  I need to quit throwing a flurry of bad things hoping something will land.  I’ve lost my fear but have sacrificed strategy and form.  Sensei said, “You don’t have to be afraid of the rattlesnake but you still have to respect it.”  Apparently this is a common thing for people at my “stage,” but still – I need to own it and fix it.  According to Sensei my bad habits are detrimental to my further development and frustrate my sparring partners (read: his wife, LOL).  Confirmation of what I suspected – I am stagnating, and now I know why.

So a bit of “tough love” from Sensei tonight, and I took my medicine like a man, er, well, you know.  And I think this is definitely the piece of the picture I felt like I was missing.  So – now I gotta roll up my sleeves and, if I have to, go back to square one and rebuild from there.  Sensei did soften the blow by telling me he appreciates the fact that he can give me something to work on and I’ll work on it without him nagging me.

This post is going to be a bit different from the others in this series.  I don’t really feel like dragging you, dear readers, into absolutely every little detail of the anxieties I detailed in three of my journal entries, so I’ve “censored” them a bit.  I am exceedingly grateful for those of you who were in the know at the time.  You were very supportive, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.  So please forgive the lack of details.  I’m glad to say that I have learned and grown, and I’d like to reflect that more than anything else.

2/4/16 – Home Dojo

I came home wanting nothing more than to go to bed crying.  I don’t really want to go into all the stupid stuff courtesy of [a couple of different situations]…

I felt defeated.  I felt like giving up…

This isn’t a new feeling, it was just particularly intense this evening.

Sometimes we don’t know how close we are to the end of the fight.  We get discouraged and tired.  Sometimes we do know how close we are but we’re so weary that we don’t particularly care.    But really, if we hang in there just a little longer, things will get better.  That’s where I am tonight.

[I wrote about a bright ray of hope – Home Dojo Sensei had decided to start an advanced class]

Sensei is keen on a particular meeting time.  I’m sure the YMCA will give it to him.  However, they will give it to him without realizing that maybe there might be a problem with our loud little group meeting next door to the very quiet and very large Meditation Yoga class…

[This caused me some anxiety about the Wrath of the Yoga People!]

So once I identified all that’s going on with my emotions, I started to think about the video I watched this morning.   When I sat down to write, I noticed this article and read it.

Both the video and the article were very timely!

I only have to wait just a little while longer.  Three weeks at most.

There’s also another possibility for things to get better.  Sense’s wife (also a black belt) might, just might, be able to come in once a week to help out with regular classes.  That’ll take some of the pressure off us two adult senior students.

I also have to keep in mind that as far as my own Sensei and other dojo senseis are concerned, I am welcome to visit (and in the case of College Dojo, be a senior student there too).  I still have that and will always have that.

So my takeaway tonight…  I’ve sparred with black belts and have been pushed harder than I’ve ever thought I could be pushed.  I didn’t give up.  I shouldn’t give up on these situations either.  Because the fight will end one way or another, and it will end soon.

 

2/5/16 – Major Employer’s Club Dojo

[I felt refreshed after visiting a dojo comprised of adults and no “various situations” – or at least none that I’m privy to].

As far in advance as possible (not just 24 hours, LOL), I need to schedule visits to the sister dojos I don’t go to all that often.  Even after Home Dojo Sensei starts up the small advanced class, I’ll still need the break from the [various situations], I’ll need to work with a variety of adults, and I’ll need to bring fresh teaching ideas back to Home Dojo and College Dojo.

Faraway Dojo Sensei wants to see me quarterly, and March is right around the corner.  I think I’ll feel better knowing exactly when that’s coming up.  I’m gonna look at the calendar and shoot that Sensei an email right now.

[And I felt much better once I got that on the calendar!]

 

2/16/16 – Home Dojo

After class tonight my “big brother,” Sensei, and I discussed what time we’re meeting on Sunday for the invitation-only advanced training.  Our monthly Board of Directors meeting goofs up our start time, but the advantage is that maybe one or more people (ranging from 5th kyu to Godan) might decide to stay and play with us.  Maybe now Sensei G from Faraway Dojo will get a chance to beat me up – she’s the lone person on the Board who hasn’t sparred with me 🙂

Now that the tournament is over it’s hit me that this training is going to be a reality.  I’m both elated and scared.  Elated because this is the learning opportunity of a lifetime.  Scared because this training will be hard, and I do know what “hard” means because I’ve been pushed hard so many times and I know that I will be pushed progressively harder.  Scared also because of who might opt to come to the first class – like I said, I’ve sparred with almost everyone.  I’ve blogged about two of them here and here.

That said, I trust myself and I trust those who will be teaching me.  I can be scared – that’s probably OK.  But what I can’t do is back out before I even start, and once I start I can’t quit.  I don’t think I could look at myself in the mirror if I quit Karate again.  This is my chance to have an incredible adventure.  I don’t want to blow it.

************

So there you have it.  There are chinks in my armor.  I’m not perfect.  I have fears and doubts.  I am human, and, let’s face it, I’m facing new situations that I haven’t faced before.  I’m very, very glad I didn’t give in to the pressure and I’m glad we haven’t faced the Wrath of the Yoga People.  Advanced training has been fantastic.    Things have gotten better.  Why was I so worried?  🙂