As the years have passed I’ve become quite a connoisseur of pain. I’ve learned to recognize what is serious and what is merely annoying. I can often predict how long it’ll take to go away. I have to admit I compare everything to natural childbirth, so I tend to soldier on more than I ought. Here’s a light-hearted look at the different sorts of pain martial artists can experience…
Welcome to the Pain-Fry Restaurant!
Ripping Burning Needles – $19.99
Sparks of fire zipping along your choice of muscle or tendon add zing to this meal. Add a side of Boom! – $5.00 extra
The Sting – $14.99
A zesty dish accompanied by swelling and bruising. Add blood – $2.00 extra
Tenderized Meat – $19.99
An ache which intensifies and diminishes with your movements. Definitely a palate pleaser!
The Bruisey Bluesy – $14.99
A steady ache with an occasional twinge. A varied and colorful dish.
Purple Knuckle Sandwich – $14.99
A sharp flash of pain to the fingers followed by swelling, colorful bruising, and bragging rights.
Muscle Cramp – $14.99
Agony and immobility at the same time. Not for the faint of heart. Add a side of Boom! – $5.00 extra
All You Can Eat Sore Muscles – $29.99
A firey meal to reward the hardworking soul.
Stupid Sore Muscles – $5.00 per muscle
For those who work too hard. Intense pain plus complete immobility for two days in the muscles of your choice.
Oh, Snap! – $14.99
A sharp pain accompanied by a snap with an achy chaser. Not that hungry? See our value menu.
Pop Goes the Joint – $29.99
An intense flash of pain with popping and your limb at a grotesque angle. Half the fun is when our waitstaff pops it back into place for you.
The Intercostal – $29.99
A searing pain with a long lasting ache that really sticks to your ribs and makes coughing, laughing, and sneezing an adventure.
Shin Smasher – $19.99 (serves 2)
Recommended for those who are new to this cuisine. Misery loves company.
$9.99 Value Menu
Boom! – An embarrassing fall immediately followed by a surprise percussive treat in a random part of your body.
The Stitch – Pain for no good reason in either side or shoulder. A classic staple.
Pins and Needles – not too spicy, just right for those who don’t exercise much.
Oh, Snap Lite! – Your choice of finger or toe.